God truly has a wonderful sense of humor. Sometimes though, I don’t necessarily feel like laughing with Him at the moment…like now.
One of the ways I find God funny is how He puts you in the position to give advice you really need yourself. I don’t know how He does it – but, in the last couple of days I’ve given others advice which I realize was actually directed at me. I’ve told two different people, with two completely different situations, “Don’t rush it. Allow God to work in His time frame.”
Each time I said it, I felt this strange twinge inside my heart. I wasn’t sure at the time what it meant but in my quiet time today I realize God wants me to take my own advice and apply it to my situation. URGH! How does He DO that?
Again, I will risk being transparent. It’s actually therapy for me and hopefully for you too. I am NOT a patient person by nature. Like I told you in the “Waiting For My Life to Change” post, I always like to be on the next adventure and I just happen to be in a season of God imposed waiting. I can tell you honestly, I am NOT doing it gracefully. I struggle to keep perspective. I fight against the anxiousness and lack of control. I constantly have to stem the tide of mind racing worry and the gut wrenching fear which strikes me.
This time is a little different than all the other times I’ve waited in my life – yet exactly the same. Let me explain and give you a little background.
Last year at exactly this time (in fact this week is a year), I felt the “call”. I’ve heard others say they are answering God’s call on their life and I never fully understood what that meant until that day. I distinctly heard, whether audible or not I’m not sure but, in an instant I knew what God intended for the rest of my life. I believe with every fiber of my heart, mind, soul, and strength that God has called me to a writing and teaching ministry about discipleship. I want to help others grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. I wake up in the morning thinking of ways to encourage others closer toward Christ. I finally know what God wants me to do when I grow up!
The MINUTE I heard that call or however you want to address it, I was off and running. Attacking the details with a ferocity and passion that probably scared other people. With just as much passion, God went about the business of molding and shaping me to ready me for the job. I felt as if I was already qualified, trained, and ready for action. Unfortunately, God knew exactly what junk He’d need to scrape off my heart and what garbage He’d have to dispose of in my life. Being the perfect Rabbi/teacher, He also knew just what burdens to place me under to sharpen, humble, and prepare me for the job He wants me to do.
Again I must say, URGH! How does He DO that? 
In the last year, MY marriage has fallen apart, MY financial security taken away, MY dreams dashed (emphasis on MY), MY pride sheered off, MY project plan and time line literally smashed (again, emphasis on MY), and almost everything I had come to believe about MYSELF has done a double backflip with a half twist.
Bottom line, I am finally a new creation. The Lord allowed our marriage to crumble so HE could rebuild it. We’re beating all the odds and after 10 months of separation we are dating and starting over with a clean slate. We are closer to a healthy marriage now then we were a year ago. God is healing us individually and our marriage in deep ways.
The Lord allowed the job security I thought I had to collapse so I could learn what true dependence means. Jesus stripped me of my dreams so He could replace them with His dreams for me. He is sheering off my pride so that I could humbly accept His provision. He dashed every semblance of project plan and target dates I had set so He could teach me to wait on Him. Most of the stuff I once believed about myself wasn’t true or wasn’t completely true. Jesus has lovingly, patiently, and joyfully been replacing lies with truth and bit-by-bit allowing me to see myself as He sees me.
I am still utterly a work in progress, however, this waiting period is different, because I do WANT to wait on Him. I no longer want things my way, I truly want His Will to be done in my life and I am finally willing to allow Him room to do it. Like I said, I’m not doing it WELL, but I am clumsily surrendering at the end of the day. Your Will Lord, not mine.
Because He knows me so well, He knows my thoughts before I can even think them, He sent me a little reminder to not rush His work in me. Today, all He wants me to cling to is that He is indeed working all things together for good in me. He is giving me what I need right now, this moment, to prepare me for what lies ahead. If I rush this process, I will not receive all of the blessings He is putting in place for me.
This life is hard but I will keep pressing forward no matter how badly I stumble. I’ll keep allowing Jesus to teach me to be content where I am, yet completely passionate about what is to come. I’ll allow the stripping, peeling, shaving, sheering or whatever other methods He chooses to use because I’m in this thing – with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength.
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 NIV