I just caught a bit of sleep here at home. Spent the night in the hospital with dad. Thank you for your prayers – he is doing better.
Everything is still seems very surreal to me, yet I am fighting to actually live it, feel it, and experience it so it doesn’t get stolen from me. It seems like someone has turned on one of the fog machines they use in the dream sequences in a movie, but I know I’m awake. The music plays from the machines that blip and beep and clip along to my dad’s heart rhythm. The lighting varies from starkly unfriendly florescent overhead lighting to soft, diffused sunlight coming through the windows once the nurses leave.
The noises from the hallway cover the spectrum between laughter at the joke of the day, to the clinical discussions between professionals trying to determine the next steps, to the frightening sounds of suffering in other rooms. I know that after you hear the words, “Code Blue”, you see bodies with multicolored scrubs flying around one of the rooms. I heard those words twice in the ICU the first night. I grabbed Dad’s hand even tighter then, thanking God the technicolored scrubs weren’t coming in our direction and praying for the person they were running toward.
I’ve had a chance to read a lot the last few days in between helping to get ice chips and water, fluff pillows, help my dad reposition, and lots and lots and lots of praying. The books I’m reading right now are about creativity and what it takes to create art. They leave me breathless and wanting more. They make me wish there was a much larger tube running between my brain and my fingers like my dad has between the IV bag of fluids and his arm. I’d like to be on the same genius drip as those authors.
I don’t have much of a point today except to give you something to munch on. I was just out checking on the “theme” for this blog because I’ve had some troubles with spamming. My tag line caught my eye, “In passionate pursuit of Jesus Christ…” Yeah, that is definitely me. I don’t care how foolish or feeble I am, I’m going to keeping seeking Him with everything I am. Everything I am isn’t much today.
As I was pondering that, another thought struck me, “Today, Lord, I think You are going to have to chase me. I’m kind of tired.” I can’t be sure because my brain feels very much like oatmeal right now, but I think I heard the words, “You just need wait to be caught.” For some reason, this notion is making me smile from the middle of my soul. You know, that kind of smile that you get when your insides go all warm and squishy and you feel like you have just been given something that was designed for only you?
Just color me waiting to be caught…
“But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2
