Traditionally, the “dark nights” are a season of life when God grabs our full attention by intensely testing us. Typically the dark nights start with very difficult circumstances affecting several aspects of life; career, marriage, health, relationships, finances, etc. Often times, more than one of these areas are disrupted or even completely dismantled. (See previous post)
In my dark night season, I found God to be more interest in my response to difficult life circumstances rather than the circumstances themselves. Through my reaction, God revealed things about our hearts that I didn’t know were there. He peeled back the layers of what I call, “comfort junk” – that’s the stuff we put around our hearts for protection and comfort – like a well loved, well worn blankie. The Bible would call those things IDOLS – what we clutch to tighter than we cling to God.
For me, the revelation of what was under the comfort junk was more difficult to take than even the desperate life circumstances. It’s worse than going to the dermatologist and looking at your skin under the coke bottle bottom lighted magnifying mirror. As Bill the Cat would say, “Ack!”
The comfort junk will look differently for each person. For many people it’s status, success, achievement, or material wealth. For me it was/is my Christian performance. (“Is” because I still struggle with it.) I prided/pride myself on NOT clinging to success or material wealth. I was/am the best non-material girl anyone could want. I also pridedpride myself on not being judgmental or self-righteous like so many other Christians. I was/am down-right self righteous about not being self righteous.
In the dark night, God revealed my self righteousness in the brutal starkness of His righteousness. It was then I saw that I was clutching to the comfort blanket called, “performance driven religion”. Deep down I believed that if I did everything right, didn’t behave like “those people”, and made my way through the check-list of faith ( Prayer? Check. Read the Bible? Check. Go to church? Check. Tithe? Check. Serve? Check. etc.) that I would earn blessings from God. I honestly felt that if I did those things and didn’t do those things that God would somehow OWE me the life I wanted.
When I did those things and didn’t do those things and still didn’t get what I wanted, I was catapulted headlong into the dark nights. It’s that kind of hypocrisy that God starkly reveals in the darkness. He wants to remove any of the comfort junk that stands in the way between His great love and mercy and our humanness.
I believe God is always asking us to drop what we clutch on to so that we cling to Him. I’d love to see a large pile of well loved, well worn blankies lying on the ground and a whole lotta people clinging even tighter to Jesus.
“My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:8